”We didn't part friends, Dean.” (Destiel Fanfiction s07e17)

 Such a giant emphasis rested on Castiel’s shoulders that he would have wished nobody. Actually he punished himself when he left Dean alone with a sentence ’I shouldn’t be here’.

He already remembered everything: the firework caused by the first meeting, their stolen minutes together, the life-death fights...when he betrayed him. He regretted so many naive foolish decision he had made but this last one the most. Cas couldn’t find a proper excuse even to himself...

”Cas!”

He heard Dean’s voice but despite the increasingly waning distance between the two of them, only those agruments congregated in the angel’s head which urged him to leaving. He must keep away from Dean at all cost. This is the only way he can protect him. Although he had already left Heaven, God’s will was that Cas protects every step of Dean Winchester. Yes, he

was ’the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.’, but he did more: fell in love with him.

And the feeling he missed as Emmanuel from his life so much, now it changed, with the hunter on his track, his  whole world into complete by magic

Cas had already remembered everything, so he knew exactly, he must expose neither Dean nor Sam to such a great danger once more. The younger Winchester’s life hung by a single thread anyway... becasuse he, Castiel, the angel of the Lord bungled it.

”If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.” He heard again behind him that tireless voice. Dean didn’t give up. He never gave up.

You must be strong now, Cas!

”Don't defend me!” He shouted backwards above his shoulder. He stuck to his resolution since he didn’t find himself in front of those desperate, sad, green eyes full of sentiments. However in that moment when the memories broke forth from him, in a disastrous second he could bear it no longer. He needed to see those awfully beautiful eyes once more. ”Do you have any idea the death toll in heaven? On Earth?”

Here was the further mistake the angel-in-love could make: eye-contact. And as if Dean would have understood, without words, what his glance was whispering

”We didn't part friends, Dean.”

The hunter was stupefied. We. Didn’t. Part. Friends.

He tasted the words, one at a time, to himself, but he felt the situation, their situation was too absurd to settle in some simple words everything two of them lived through together.

”You’re right, Cas.” he sighed finally. ”We have never been just friends!”

Dean appeared suddenly in front of him with a unexpected movement. He was so harassing close that even an angel knew what will be next. And Castiel let it be. And he enjoyed. He. Enjoyed. Its. Every. Single. Moment. As if he would have opened his wings with great enthusiasm to hold even with them fitfully on to the man, who taught his eternal heart to love truly.

However a stray teardrop from his eye hacked its ways through stubbornly and between two kisses it also tickled Dean’s mildly bristly face. The hunter was surprised and broke off the kissing so suddenly that Castiel tumbled a little. Instead of the thick lips in this time Dean kissed the angel’s face, exactly where the lost little teardrop hurried to leave Cas’ skin as fast as possible.

Now, that Dean’s lips didn’t took up Castiel’s, in the angel’s mind the doubt slipped again. As if it wouldn’t wanted to give a secondly happiness to him, either.

”I deserved to die.” he got out of breath. He felt his suffering consuming him from inside. He didn’t want to give pain and to be a disappointment to Dean. ”I can't possibly fix it... So why did I even walk out of that river?” Although he tried to control himself, he also knew perfectly, this won’t work in front of Dean. He has already known him too well...

 ”Maybe to fix it.” the hunter’s voice attracted the attention of the angel. It was deep, soft and pleasant – mysterious optimistic at the same time. His words tingled all Cas’ senses.

Accordingly Dean still has faith in him... Maybe if he tried to fix the things... Maybe they can be together again... Maybe even Sam can concede that they belong together... Maybe everything will be different hereafter... Maybe there will be mistakes, naive, foolish decisions as to himself no-more.

And it was only the icing that he glimpsed a familiar article of clothing in Dean’s hands. He solemnly provided it for him. His old trenchcoat.

”Let’s go, save Sam!” and several minutes later the resolved smile became more and more confident on the angel’s face.